20 Signs Your Partner Is About to Break Up With You, Therapists Say
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Breakups don’t always happen overnight—sometimes, the warning signs that someone wants out of a relationship can start bubbling up long before you two go your separate ways. According to licensed relationship therapists, certain behaviors and actions can indicate that your partner is already mentally checking out of your relationship.
If your significant other has become distant, avoids serious conversations, or has suddenly changed their behavior, buckle up, because they might be preparing to walk away. From subtle shifts in communication to outright red flags, these 20 expert-backed signs could mean your partner is gearing up to call it quits. If you recognize more than a few, it might be time for an honest conversation about where your relationship is headed.
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If your partner doesn’t want to engage in conversations about you, your day, job, hobbies, interests, etc., they may be considering a breakup, says Carrie Rose , life and divorce coach and founder of SunUp Coaching .
These are very simple and considerate questions that coupls should be asking one another on a daily basis.
“Partners who can no longer converse about most topics likely need outside support or space from one another,” Rose explains.
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While not everyone goes out on the weekends, if you’ve been spending nearly every Saturday night alone on the couch while your partner is off doing something else, it could be a red flag. The same applies to the nights spend with your partner that don’t offer any fun, flirty, or romantic moments.
According to relationship expert April Masini , date nights are a way for long-term partners to reconnect—and if your partner seems to be over having any new romantic escapades with you, it could be a sign that they’ve checked out of the relationship.
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Going on an occasional work or friends’ trip without you is one thing. But, if your partner is starting to frequently make travel or social plans without inviting you, they may be leaning towards a breakup, says Rose.
“They could be trying to see what it’s like to be single again, [or] trying to make sense of the relationship.”
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Before, your partner purchased concert tickets for the pair of you months in advance or talked about romantic trips to far-flung locales. They might’ve even planned what your future home might look like. But, when you stop talking about these things, it’s a major red flag.
“Discussing the future together is part of what gives your relationship meaning and purpose,” says Kiara Luna , LMHC, CEO and founder of Knew You Psychotherapy . “This is what keeps you dreaming together and finding shared meaning.”
If you’re no longer having those conversations, Luna advises looking into where the change in attitude may be coming from.
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When your partner doesn’t initiate sex or intimate moments like cuddling and kissing, it’s a sign that something is off. If they’re unenthusiastic or robotically going through the motions, you should also be concerned.
“Biochemistry plays an important role here because, through sexual intercourse, essential bonding chemicals like oxytocin are released,” explains Sal Damiata , dating and relationship coach and founder of Attractiontruth . “By removing this kind of intimacy from the relationship, those chemicals will circulate less and less, leading to a progressive yet inevitable detachment from one’s partner that might bring to seek those feelings from another person.”
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When every little thing you do or say seems to set them off, it could point to a larger issue about your partner’s motives in the relationship.
According to relationship coach Chris Armstrong , happy couples who have the occasional argument work together to reach a positive resolution since they both wish to sustain the relationship. However, when one person no longer wishes to be with the other person, there is no incentive to reach a positive outcome—so they remain argumentative.
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If your partner seems to be on another planet entirely when you’re spending time together, know that this can be a move to add emotional distance between you two. It may feel like you’re living with a stranger or roommate rather than your lover.
“This may manifest in your partner showing up as indifferent to most things, seeming checked out, avoiding conflict, and showing no interest in resolving it,” Luna explains.
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According to relationship coach and therapist Anita Chlipala , when your partner speaks in clichés like, “Maybe we’re just too different,” or “Maybe we’re just not meant to be,” they’re dropping hints to gauge your reaction.
They’re most likely hoping that you’ll be on the same page about the relationship, so they don’t have to be the one to pull the plug. Ouch.
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Similar to creating emotional distance in the relationship, if your partner is pulling away from communication, it could mean they’re looking to break things off with you.
This could be that they no longer respond to text messages in a timely fashion or they don’t communicate important details of their lives to you. “You also might notice how your partner may no longer speak to you about their thoughts and feelings around stressors outside the relationship,” Luna says.
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Consider it a warning sign if, instead of talking to you to work out the issues in your relationship, your partner is seeking advice elsewhere.
Sarah Intelligator , divorce attorney, relationship expert, and author of Live, Laugh, Find True Love , says that if your partner has been discussing your situation with others, such as friends, co-workers, or even exes, it might mean they’re questioning the relationship. It’s a way for them to express their reservations while deciding if they should end things.
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Another red flag that’s easy to spot is when they’re clearly happier spending time with other people. “Whether those people are friends, coworkers, or harmless family members, it still holds true that they’re giving their most important resource (time) to everyone but you,” says Damiata.
If you find that your partner only laughs or gets very talkative around others, it could be because they no longer feel happy or invested in your relationship.
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When your partner starts teasing about ending the relationship, they may be more serious than you think.
“It’s a subconscious way for the partner to test how you’d react to the event of a breakup and see what effect it would have on you,” says Damiata.
He adds that they might ask you directly how you’d feel if the two of you were to “hypothetically” break up because it’s something they’re thinking about.
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Damiata points out that having casual fantasies about people other than one’s partner is common and even healthy.
However, when your significant other is openly flirting with other people, and then deny it, that’s a warning sign that your connection is on shaky ground, and they don’t see the harm in starting to put other feelers out.
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“If your partner typically attends holidays with your family, but suddenly stops with little explanation, they may be considering a breakup,” says Rose.
“Avoidance of your family and time together may mean that they’re questioning being a part of the family all together.”
After all, it’s harder to break up with someone if you just schmoozed with all of their friends and family.
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If your relationship once had a prominent role on your partner’s social media pages, but things have suddenly changed, this may be a red flag that they want to lay the groundwork for breaking up with you.
“Call this shallow, but if your partner typically shares romantic posts about your partnership and suddenly stops and no longer shares anything… it’s possible they are looking to break up with you,” explains Rose.
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When your partner starts deliberately engaging in behaviors that they know will upset you, it’s a big warning sign that your relationship isn’t working.
“This type of behavior is common when someone wants to end the relationship but doesn’t want to be the one to initiate the breakup,” says Intelligator. “It is almost as though this person wants to see how far he or she can push you until you reach your limit.”
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“If your partner starts being secretive about financial matters or bank statements, it could indicate they’re preparing for a life separate from the relationship,” says Amy Colton , a certified divorce financial analyst, family law mediator, and founder of Your Divorce Made Simple .
“A partner who suddenly changes beneficiaries on policies, moves assets, or shows an increased concern for their credit score might be preparing for a future that doesn’t include the current relationship.”
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Not only is comparing you to past romantic partners hurtful, it’s also a method of manipulation. If they’re telling you that their former lovers were nicer, smarter, and more attentive than you, watch out, Damiata says.
Essentially, they’re aiming to make you feel like you aren’t enough as a way to validate their next move: Calling things off.
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Instead of wanting to work on the relationship, they may only want to make themselves feel better about their actions, which is an issue.
Abbey Sangmeister , MSEd, LPC, therapist, life coach, and founder of Evolving Whole , says this is often a protective mechanism in which they are trying to create distance from you or launch into an argument, which will make it easier to initiate a breakup.
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Perhaps most importantly, Damiata says respect and trust are fundamental pillars of any relationship—and when they’re missing, regardless of who wants out, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
