40 Thoughts You Never Had Before Turning 40
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When people talk about how life changes after you reach 40, they tend to focus on the physical. They’ll warn you about the aches and pains, the way your body doesn’t cooperate quite as easily as it did during your younger days, and the horrors of discovering hair growing in all the wrong places.
But people rarely talk about the changes that happen in your head. At 40, you start having thoughts that never occurred to you before, stuff that would’ve sounded like crazy talk just a decade ago. The internal monologue that’d make a 20-year-old tremble in fear and scream, “I’m hearing demon voices in my head” is just business as usual for a 40-year-old. Need proof? Just take a look at these lines of thinking, all of which likely cross your mind on the reg—and never did in decades passed. And for more hilarious insight into the constant game of aging, see the 40 Facts That Will Make You Totally Psyched to Turn 40.
You know in your heart this probably isn’t true, but it’s easier to dismiss everything than admit we’ve reached an age where modern music sounds like a bunch of tuneless noise to our ears.
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If that’s all you require from a weekend, and the idea of doing anything else just sounds way too exhausting, then congratulations, you have officially become middle-aged.
Congratulations, you’ve finally reached an age where you rarely, if ever, wake up the next morning and think, “Uh, what did I do last night?”
It takes a certain level of maturity to accept that dear ole Mom and Dad aren’t so wrong about everything in the world after all. And for more wizened wisdom from pop, don’t miss The 30 Most Useful Lessons We Learned From Our Dads.
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What a sweet relief to stop caring so much about the things that don’t really matter. And if you want to deploy your mane to turn back the clock, learn the 15 Best Haircuts for Looking Instantly Younger.
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Hey, nobody said that growing older wasn’t going to be a bumpy ride. It’s okay to succumb to a little age anxiety now and then. And for more tips on turning back the clock, see the 50 Best Anti-Aging Tips for Men.
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There comes a time in every person’s life when they realize that technology has officially gotten too far ahead of them. It stops being “This is so cool” and turns into “I’m so confused, can somebody please explain this to me?” For instance: These 20 Things You Didn’t Know Your Smartphone Could Do.
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It’s not just her. Everybody under 30 now seems young enough to be in elementary school. Don’t bother fighting it, it’s just your skewed perspective now.
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You don’t have to pretend anymore to know or care who’s making the hit records you’re not listening to anyway. Your days of having to say “Oh, yeah, I love that song” are officially over.
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It’s really not, but if it makes you feel better, by all means continue believing that.
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Ah, you’ve finally reached that magical time in a person’s life where having invasive investigations becomes a regular part of your medical routine.
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And unlike the 20-year-old who’s pretending not to care what everybody (literally everybody ) thinks, you actually mean it.
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What is it about people over 40 that they can’t stop worrying about whether every light bulb in their house is costing them precious cents in unnecessary electricity bills?
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Seinfeld is to people in their 40s what the moon landing was to Boomers. You don’t just remember every line in the “Soup Nazi” episode, you remember what you were wearing when you saw it and what you had for dinner that night. (Not soup, we bet.)
The crazy part is, you’re not even kidding.
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When you were a kid, summer used to feel like it lasted an eternity. In your 20s, a year might as well have been a lifetime. But at your age, time has a way of moving annoyingly fast. In the blink of an eye, you’re 50 and you’re like, “Wait, whoa, whoa, did I not turn 40 just a second ago?”
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We could explain the difference between exercising all day, every day, and doing whatever it is that Lil Wayne does with his free time, but the logic would be lost on a 40 year old who just doesn’t want to grow old.
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If only we realized sooner than beginning any conversation with “So who are you voting for?” is just going to end badly for everyone.
It’s a cliche, but it’s also kinda true. For the first time in your life, you realize just how true.
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You spend the first four decades of your life working towards being the kind of adult who looks and acts like he knows what he’s doing. But as you get older, nothing gets easier, and you still feel like a kid masquerading as a grown-up. You’re seriously in charge of stuff now? How the heck did that happen?
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You’re finally able to look at something delicious and recognize that long after the flavors have left your mouth, your intestines are going to be saying, “Seriously, dude? Okay, whatever, let’s get ready to rumbbbbbbbble!” And for more ways to maximize your diet, check out the 40 Heart Foods To Eat After 40.
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And you know what? It’s not going to be the missed concert that haunts you for the rest of your life. Sometimes waking up without looking like you spent the night in a bus terminal is life’s greatest reward.
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We don’t know exactly why, but there’s something in those beautifully maudlin melodies that feels so right on just about any day of the year. Maybe it’s just a middle age thing.
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If a funny meme gets shared on Facebook and there isn’t a 40 year old person to “like” it, did it ever really exist?
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Finding out that the movie Heathers first came out in 1988 forces you to do some difficult math, which is like being tricked by pop culture into realizing how long its been since you were in high school.
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It is, yes. Spending too much time online when you’re post-40 is like being the old guy who crashes a college keg party and announces, “Hey, hep-cats, who wants to do some beer bongs with me?”
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Your endless fascination with the tiny creatures you helped create is exactly as it should be. It’s perfectly natural to want to overshare photos and videos of them on social media, and rattle on and on about their accomplishments to anybody who’ll listen. Knock yourself out.
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Just bite your lip and walk away.
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People over 40 have the gift of hindsight. We’ve already made all the mistakes and done all the stupid things that young people ( all young people) inevitably do. You never realize what a gift it was to not have any permanent record of your youthful misdeeds until you’re old enough to know better. And for more social media secrets, check out the 20 Ways Social Media Stresses Us Out.
It’s adorable how wrong we once were about, well, pretty much everything.
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Gone are the days of having FOMO, the fear of missing out. Now you have FOMOOMO, the fear of missing out on missing out. You feel a newfound responsibility to make sure all the couches get relaxed on.
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Save the Jäger bombs for the college kids.
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It could be 90 degrees out, but a 40-plus-year-old will just never feel comfortable leaving the house without at least a light jacket. Why? You never know when there might be a slightly chilly breeze.
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The only thing worse than realizing you’re turning into your dad or mom is realizing you’ve reached the same age when they once seemed like the oldest people you’d ever know.
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You could be late for an appointment, but if you pass a bench and your feet or back (or both) are feeling achy (a likelihood), you won’t be able to resist taking a quick sit.
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The courage to stop arguing, to resist pushing back against everyone and anyone who doesn’t share your point of view, is surprisingly easy once you get the hang of it.
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This weird desire to avoid a crowd at all costs is a uniquely 40-plus behavior. “Why,” one might reasonably ask, “leave the house at all if you don’t want to be around other people?” You’ll understand when you’re 40.
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By the time you’re 40, you probably know at least a few people affected by this terrible disease. You may even be one of them.
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Life isn’t that complicated if you apply just the right amount of desserts.
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Admitting when you’re wrong isn’t unique to people over 40, but it does sometime seem to come easier for them.
